Reflecting on Faith, Part 2: Doubt

Clouds over Manly Beach, Sydney Australia

Faith is a mystery. There are things we cannot understand about God and faith – even if we believe, we cannot fully understand. Knowing the fullness God and His love and mercy are beyond our human comprehension and understanding.

It’s natural to sometimes find ourselves in times of doubt. I know it happens to me! What if there isn’t life after death?  There are so many people in the world -- How is God in a loving relationship with all those who know Him, and actively loving the ones who don’t?  Why would He care about some of my small, comparatively insignificant prayers and concerns, when there are people in the world crying out to him in fear and pain? It is beyond my understanding.

So when I feel darkness here are some things I do to help strengthen my faith.


When I doubt:

• I hold on to the faith of other people. For example, my Gramma's faith was so strong and she was so certain, that I choose to believe what she believed. I follow her because I believe in her, and she followed the Lord.
• I reflect on moments that I've felt God in my life. Such as appreciating the beauty and wonder in nature, the times of deep joy in my heart, and times I know God brought me to someone or something.

When things are tough:

• I make Jesus my best friend, sharing everything with Him and turning to Him first. I tell Him my thoughts, disappointments, anxieties, and concerns. I give him everything and talk to Him as my best friend, knowing that He loves me and is with me through it all.
• I remember that Jesus conquered the world, and there is nothing that He cannot help me overcome. Jesus has defeated death, fear, and sin. Love wins. There is nothing on this earth that can hold me down if I choose Jesus and follow His way. Love conquers all.

When I need encouragement:

• I talk with my family and friends who lift me up.
• I read about the lives of the saints. Every single one of them is totally different: Some of them were pious from childhood, but many of them lived lives full of selfishness and sin before conversion; they all came to God in their own ways; and each lived a call to holiness that was unique to his/her gifts. God calls us all; He calls me and desires me. There is something, or many things, that I can do to build His kingdom, and by doing so, I become more like who He created me to be.
• I remember Peter. He was Jesus’ best friend, swearing to be by Jesus’ side through it all, and yet Peter denied Jesus during Jesus’ time of need. Jesus forgave Peter and asked him to lead the Church. I am like Peter. I desire with all my heart to do God’s will, and yet there are times I totally fail. Jesus offers forgiveness and healing, and despite all of my failures, He asks me to be a leader for Him. (More on this another time.)

Faith asks us to believe what we cannot see. And while sometimes I choose to believe what I cannot see, there are things in my life that I can see. I see the love God has for me through family and friends. I see how God has worked in my life. I feel how He opens my heart with love. I see prayers answered. I see people who are kind to one another. And I believe. I believe in Jesus, who He is and what He taught. And I believe in the faith of others, in miracles, in saints, and in the lives of people who strive to do good.

Reflecting on Faith, Part 1

Recently I was invited to speak to St. Bernard's youth group about my faith. I thought I'd share some of my thoughts with you.

The core of my faith is that I believe God loves me, and so I trust in Him. No matter what happens, good or bad, I trust in God's love for me and that He is with me through everything. This type of relationship with God leads me to give Him everything. I let Him in to every part of my life, every thought, every experience. He knows it all already, but I share it with Him. Make Jesus your best friend. Tell Him everything first. Before you share it with anyone else, share it with Him.

Psalm 139: 1-5

Lord, you know me:

you know when I sit and stand;

you understand my thoughts from afar.

You sift through my travels and my rest;

with all my ways you are familiar.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

Lord, you know it all.

Behind and before you encircle me

and rest your hand upon me.

 

Along with trusting in God's love and sharing everything with Him, I desire His will for my life. What gets tricky is that I'm actually the person living my life, making decisions of what to do, and I don't know the answers or what direction to go. Therefore, I pray that His will be done, and I pray for openness to any way He is working in my life and in my heart. I pray that the Holy Spirit guides my responses, so that God's love spreads and He is glorified. 

Figuring out who we are made to be is a lot to wrestle with, but the most important things are a lot simpler that we might expect. So, let's consider some important questions.


Why did God make you and me... and everyone?

• He created us out of an abundance of His love.
• He wants to have a loving relationship with us.
• He wants us to be with Him forever.

What is our purpose?

• Our purpose is to love God.
• Our purpose is to glorify God.

How do we glorify God?

• We glorify God through prayer, the things we do and say, and love for Him and love for others.
• We glorify God when we use the gifts and talents He gave us.

He makes you unique for Himself, and the things you offer through your gifts is the special way you are called to build His kingdom. God does amazing work by putting things on your heart. He speaks to us through our gifts, talents, interests, and feelings. When we respond to Him, we follow where He’s leading, we glorify Him, and we become more like the person He made us to be.

Don't worry about all the "doing" and your life's big picture. You can glorify God right now simply through prayer. Talk with Him about everything that's on your mind. Thank Him. Ask Him to lead you. Jesus tells us to ask Him for anything. He will respond to you.

You’re just called to be the best you. That’s all God wants you to be, and He wants to take the journey with you. But it takes an effort: prayer, openness, response, and action. God has no expectations of us except that we be ourselves, and the invitation to be ourselves is a call to holiness (James Martin, SJ).

 

The Impact of One

 Two turtles. Photo taken by Maur.

It was another perfect vacation day in Hilton Head, just a few weeks ago. I biked to Mass, and while there, heard this Scripture: Jesus prayed to the Father, "...that the world may believe that you sent me."(Jn 17:21)

That the world may believe. The world! What struck me was that Jesus wanted to save the world, but he was just one person. One divine man with a ministry.

How often do we hear people say that, "I'm just one person, how can I make a difference?" or "You are just one person, how can you really make an impact?" Or sometimes we know what it's like to feel defeated and discouraged when an issue feels too big to solve.

Jesus came to save the entire world; He came for every single person ever born and still to be born. He came for you. He was one divine man with a ministry and 12 best friends who were passionate about the cause.

Jesus was preaching the Way. He had the biggest mission of all, offering God's love and forgiveness to all people so we could have eternal life in Him. He did the work that was before Him, day by day, and so did the apostles. The people they reached out to had their lives changed for the better, and those people passed that goodness on to the lives of people around them, and so on and so on until 2,000+ years later, I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and I'm trying to spread the Good News, day by day.

So, don't be discouraged. You are one person with a purpose, and that purpose is to glorify God. Sometimes you will see the impacts, and other times the good that you do has impacts that you will never know in this lifetime. Serve people, love people. The little things you do truly matter. You are one person, and you can change the world!

Purpose and Freedom

photo taken by Maur

Yesterday I was on a walk and noticed a birds nest in a flowering little tree. I was struck by the thought of how a bird has the instinct to build a nest. There is something inside of that bird that drives it to find the twigs, bend them just so, and create an intricate, beautiful structure.

I relate to that inner force in how I feel compelled to be or do things in order to be myself. I am a loving sister and encouraging and trustworthy friend. I give praise in sunshine and warm breezes. I must write, I must run, I must draw nearer to God, and I must throw myself into the activities that interest me.

God gives each of us gifts – the talents, strengths, and abilities that make us unique – and He enables us to discover Him and His will for us through our gifts – the things that are our nature.

I think all people at some point or another want to know their purpose. Fr. James Martin, SJ (Society of Jesus, a.k.a. Jesuit), has a book called My Life with the Saints, and he writes that God awakens our vocations primarily through our desires and we are called to bring Christ into the lives of others by using our individual talents. God calls each of us to holiness, and Fr. James Martin writes that the road to holiness is in many ways the road to being oneself.

Holiness? That sounds hard. It sounds impossible for me, a person who sins and falls short constantly. What does that even mean? Being holy seems like it’s for other people; very, very good people: Saints. Men and women who give their lives to the Church. People who give up everything to follow the Lord.

… But, I desire to grow closer to God. I desire to have a heart like Jesus and to love people the way He loves. And look at the Saints! St. Paul, St. Peter, St. Augustine, etc., etc. – they were all regular people, some of whom were very sinful or fearful or ignorant. Even St. Paul writes, “Jesus came into the world to save sinners. Of these I am the foremost” (1 Timothy 1:15). So, holiness. I guess that means me.

God is good. He made me, blessed me, and called/calls me. He is always ready to pour His grace over me. By discovering what brings me joy, I can discover Him and the way I was made to bring Him glory. There is so much freedom in that. Fr. James Martin writes, “While I’m always called to grow, God asks only that I be myself, no matter what the situation,” and says that we’re meant to be ourselves, and to allow God to work in and through our own individuality, our own humanity.

Our challenge, that spans our entire lives, is to recognize how God is calling us through our gifts and talents, and to respond to those gifts in order to become more like who He made us to be.

I write this thinking about my own nature and how God calls me through my passions, as well as the joy I have and knowledge I gain by discovering and responding to Him. But the most wonderful feeling is that God loves us no matter what, and He loves us exactly as we are. There is nothing we can say or do to earn His love and mercy – He freely gives it to us.

Inspired by St. Therese of Lisieux, Fr. James Marin summarizes nicely: You don’t love the flower for what it does, but for what it is.

He Gives Himself to You

Tonight we remember Jesus’ Last Supper. In John (13:1) we read that “He loved his own in the world and he loved them to the end.” This makes Jesus seem so real to me. I think it is one of the greatest things that could be said about a person when reflecting on a person’s life, and this is what John wants us to know about Jesus. Jesus loved His people, all the way to the end.

Everything Jesus did, in His life and in His death, He did with love for the Father and love for each one of us. We are Jesus’ people. He carried the cross for the entire world and suffered death to conquer death and to redeem us from our sin. God loves us and wants us to be with Him in heaven forever.

Sometimes we doubt, or we feel too sinful, or we live in fear and don’t trust in the Lord, etc. Sometimes we don’t feel like we belong at Jesus’ table, that we don’t deserve to break bread with Him and accept His promises because we feel unworthy.

Well, it’s not about being worthy. God gives His grace to us not because we deserve it, but because He loves us.

Think back to the Last Supper. Jesus shared the Eucharist with all the Apostles, even though He knew that within a few hours, one would betray Him (Judas), one would deny Him three times (Peter), and all of them, except for John, would go into hiding out of fear. Additionally, within a few days, one would doubt that He was risen (Thomas). Jesus knew all of this, and yet He still chose them, loved them, served them, and shared with them. He asked them to imitate Him in service and to be leaders: “I have given you a model to follow, so that I have done for you, you should also do” (John 13:15).

Jesus offers Himself to us knowing that we are limited human beings who are all sinners. He knows that there will be times that we will fail Him. But He hopes in us and He loves us. He never wants us to be separated from Him; it is through Him that we gain eternal life. Jesus gave Himself to us because He loves us and He wants us to be with him forever.

If you were sitting at His table, He would lovingly offer Himself to you.

Our Good Shepherd and Perfect Lamb

Photo taken from the terrace of Mont Saint Michel's abbey in Normandy, France

Yesterday I was reading a book (I Believe in Love: A personal retreat based on the teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux), and I was struck by the familiar image of Jesus as the Good Shepherd. The author wrote, “…Jesus [is] picking you up again, becoming for you so many times the Good Shepherd, running after His little lamb, carrying it back in His arms…” And it was just the image I needed: the one who comes after me and brings me back to Him. No matter what I do or where I go, He is there.

In the Bible we hear a lot about sheep. Those cute but mindless animals, who are always wandering.

Isaiah 53: 6 | “We had all gone astray like sheep, each following his own way…”

Luke 15: 4 – 7 | “What man among you having a hundred sheep and losing one of them would not leave the ninety-nine in the dessert and go after the lost one until he finds it? And when he does find it, he sets it on his shoulders with great joy… I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents…”

We hear Jesus tell us that there is joy when the one person repents. We are who He wants! Jesus pursues us Himself, through the Word, through others, and through situations and circumstances – through every good thing, and all through the Holy Spirit.

What has always struck me about this passage is that the shepherd – Jesus – sets out for the one lost sheep – me. He knows me, He loves me, and He comes to find me and bring me back to Him. I am worth that much to Him.

Jesus comes for us; we are worth that much to Him.

St. Augustine wrote, “…God would never have done such great things for us if the life of the soul perished with the death of the body” (Confessions of St. Augustine).  St. Augustine’s reflection has helped me in moments of doubt or curiosity when I think about life, death, and heaven or what if there is just nothingness. But, I believe in God, and I believe that Jesus is the Son of God. What St. Augustine says rings true to me: Jesus would not have died on the cross – the most painful, humiliating, and lonely death – if our souls did not live forever. He wants each of us to be in heaven with Him. My soul is worth that much to Him.

Jesus dies for us; our souls are worth that much to Him.

He loves us! 

He lived a life of love in communion with the Father, and then He offered Himself up for us out of obedience to the Father. He did what we cannot do because of our sin, and by His perfect obedience He reversed the sin of Adam. Jesus died on the cross so He could defeat sin and death, and by His Resurrection He obtains life for us all.

Jesus loves you. Ask Him to help you, and He will. He will pick you up, carry you in His arms, and rejoice over you. He wants to show you every good thing He has for you. He wants you to be who He made you to be, so you can be free.

In a Funk, but it's OK

Well, I have been in a funk for the past few weeks. I feel out of touch with myself and disconnected from God, and it’s a hard place to be.

I feel like I’m just doing the things I usually do without as much passion and purpose, though I’m still trying to reach out to others and do what is right. I feel like I don’t know if I’m choosing God’s will in the decisions I’m making. I’m not listening to God. I’m not making time for Him or being mindful of His ways. I’m just moving along, saying hi to Him or offering quick prayers, but not listening to Him or feeling Him moving in me. I feel like I am making myself too busy, and I don’t want to be busy anymore, but that I can’t stop moving because of my commitments, and each individual commitment isn’t the strain, it’s all of them together. I need a break. I need to have wide open time for myself. And if I got time, I’d have to use it to just be with God and to do prayerful, quiet things. But I have projects, ideas, and responsibilities running through my brain with no time to make them happen so they begin to overwhelm me. Disconnected and stretched thin. Yeah, I’m in a funk.

I need to reconnect to myself and my relationship with God. So, how do I do this? And yep, that’s pretty much where I am right now.

No answers.

You know why? I’m not listening. I’m not even making an effort to pray about it. I guess I’m just waiting until I feel more inspired. Well, guess what – the Holy Spirit inspires and I haven’t been inviting Him in. 

Also, I feel like since I’ve been making my own decisions even though I’m unsure of God’s will, it’s harder to go to God and to ask Him what is right. Like, am I afraid of the answer? Am I afraid of changes I would have to make?

God is there; He always is. He loves; He always does. He is merciful, kind, and generous. I need to ask Him to give me the grace to listen and to come into my heart and transform me to His will.

I need a conversion. Every day, as a Christian, I am called to convert and give my life to Christ and to follow in His ways.

So right now I am saying, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.” And “Come, Lord Jesus”. And telling myself over and over that God loves me, and thanking Him for His many blessings. 

And you know what, while funks are hard because being disconnected is a struggle, funks can have value. Our life, our journey with God, has ups and downs and twists and turns. Growth can happen in funks. So I am present in my funk… and ok with being here so long as I don’t keep myself here out of laziness, busy-ness, or any other self-made reason. God is with me, and He will lift me up, in time. As the quotation of my grandma’s old Sacred Heart picture reads, “Don’t be discouraged.” God is there. He is always there.

I am from...

This is a fill-in-the blanks poem I had to write at a leadership program, and I wanted to share...

I am from a crowded dining room table
from sports and newsreading
I am from "put God first and He'll take care of the rest"
and laughter and togetherness
I am from the tree across the street
whose thick branches gave me the best hiding spot in games like spotlight and release
I am from my old high school basketball sweatshirt and Sister of the Year sorority plaque
from Kennedy and Grinko
I am from determination and love