Lent 2015: Week 4 Reflections

Photo by Maureen Kennedy Macel

"A Good Life" presents a special Lenten guest blog post by Maureen Kennedy Macel (Part 4):

Day 23 Thursday March 12 - [F] No TV or screens today (except for homework)

RO: What does it mean to live forever? To have no time constraint at all. Time would really be on our side. We are invited by God into eternity. // Eternal life with God is life of the very best kind. That’s what we’re invited into, but it is not necessarily what we’re all going to get. We are invited but we have to respond. // We are either going to have an eternity of life with God  - or life without God, apart with him, and that would be life of the very worst kind.

Jeremiah 7: 23-28

Thus says the LORD:  This is what I commanded my people: Listen to my voice; then I will be your God and you shall be my people. Walk in all the ways that I command you, so that you may prosper.

Luke 11: 14-23

Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters

This was harder than it should have been today. It took a lot of talking myself out of giving up to stay away from a screen today after work. It forced me to do something else - and just sit and relax quietly. During my “relaxing” every few minutes I felt like I wanted to give up. It must have been the athlete in me that helped me always say no, plus some prayers praying to not be weak over such a stupid thing to be weak over.

What good is a challenge if all you do is give up when it’s challenging?

And so instead I sat and updated my journal - which I haven’t done for 1.5 months. I could remember about two weeks and random things here and there. It was definitely worth denying myself the screen because I will now always have those two weeks “remembered” where I otherwise would sure enough have soon forgotten, similar to how I am sure everything I would have otherwise seen on a screen would be forgotten by tomorrow.

Though should I take solace in the fact that this was after 1.5 hours of working on my Easter wood project? So I was both productive and not in front of a screen. Or should I be disheartened that I only had a wee bit of night left to make it thru and struggled every moment?

Day 24 Friday March 13 - [S] Invite someone to your house for dinner

RO: We live in a world that is dark and scary. // But we are called as Christians to be lights shining like stars in the midst of that world. // Judge less - we have the freedom to love people regardless of who they are and how they are acting. We are not the judge of the world so we can love without having to worry that we love someone too much. We are never going to get to the judgement seat of heaven and have God say, “Sorry, you just loved too much.” // Pray - Pray with someone else. What if you said “Can I pray for you?” and you just did it right then? // Invite - We have all kinds of access to the lights of Christ. What if you invited some people into that light? // God is calling you to be the light to the world this Lent. Can you do it?

Hosea 14: 2-10

“I am like a verdant cypress tree”– Because of me you bear fruit! Let him who is wise understand these things;

let him who is prudent know them. Straight are the paths of the LORD, in them the just walk, but sinners stumble in them.

Mark 12: 28-34

One of the scribes came to Jesus and asked him, “Which is the first of all the commandments?”

Jesus replied, “The first is this: Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul,  with all your mind,  and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Last Sunday I had huge hopes for myself for this one. Come day of what did I do? Took the lazy way out. Bridgette was coming over anyways so I invited her to dinner … that counts? I mean, we ate together. It was nice. We definitely had a nice conversation. But I think this barely counts as doing.

Day 25 Saturday March 14 - [Journey]

RO: Snow covers everything. // The earth is going to warm up and this snow will not just stay on the top it will melt and become water and it will get into the earth. That’s when it changes the earth. // Will you let your hard heart soften? Will you let your cold heart melt? And will you let the word of God, that descends from the heavens, accomplish the purpose for which He descended? To make you not just look nice but to make you new.

Hosea 6: 1-6

For it is love that I desire, not sacrifice, and knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings

Luke 18: 9-14

But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, ‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner.’ I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

I realized as I lay in bed last night that I felt content. I think it is the contentment that I have been searching for. To not want things. To be happy with what I have. This feeling felt so freeing and peaceful. I wanted that feeling to last, and if it couldn’t last I at least wanted it to be repeated. That feeling lasted about one minute, but it was a very blissful minute. Then in the morning it’s not that I forgot the feeling -- rather, I was motivated by it -- but it’s that the day came and life came and I went out into the day to do what needed to be done.

This Lent and taking a step back in life though has been the key I have been searching for. I feel like I have unlocked a way to not perhaps be content but to find contentment. To pause. Slow down. Purposely remove myself from the “daily grind”. Get in touch with my spiritual self more fully. Live with God ever present in my heart and mind.

While is ideal to always enter every day with God on your heart and mind and then proceed to keep Him there in everything you do -- that can get to be quite challenging! Depending on the day you might have to really work on it. And I think I am someone who thinks she generally does a decent job at keeping God closeby and living the way He would want me to live, and yet it is still hard. And this Lent has shown me that no matter how “on the path” we may think we are there is always room for improvement.

Our journey in life should be to become like God. And the fact that we fail often and always have room for improvement is not something that should make us give up. Rather: What an opportunity! We are here, struggling day to day to be more Christ-like. And who do we have to look to for an example of how to live? Jesus! Jesus was the most impressive role model. And it’s not that His holiness should intimidate us but rather it should give us comfort that He lived as man, struggled just like you and I, and still chose God. And by choosing God, by sacrificing His own life for us, we can come to know just how great God is. This earth is temporary so on our journeys we need to work hard to not succumb to the day-to-day, because in striving to become like God we will achieve eternal life with God.

Update: On Sunday I popped into a store to just buy socks for Nora. Of course they put the baby stuff in the way back so you have to walk thru everything. I was not tempted to look around the store at all. I didn’t want things. On the way out though I could already feel that contentment starting to slip. I saw one shirt and was like “ooo that’s nice” -- and in that moment I got to see how easy it is to forget how great following God so fully makes me feel.

Is it easy to get distracted by the meaningless things in this world and lose perspective? All too easily so! Being close to God is something that I need to work on every day. He is always there with me, I need to make sure I stay with Him. Being conscious of how I live each day is half the battle. Because God makes me aware of my weakness He has given me a better opportunity to choose Him. I can pause, realize where I might be going off the path He prefer I was on, and then work to choose Him in all things.

Day 26 Sunday March 15 - [F] No snacks between meals all day

RO: I can’t see God right now. I feel so alone. // The key to seeing Christ in relationships is that power to be able to be vulnerable with each other. // Seeing Jesus in others is about being vulnerable to each other. In those dark moments of life - all those anxieties, hurts, fears - they really do keep us from seeing Christ in others. // How do we see Christ? What are those things that keep us from really seeing Him? // Lord. we want to see you. Teach us to show you our own hearts so that we can see yours.

2 Chronicles 36: 14-16, 19-23

Early and often did the LORD, the God of their fathers, send his messengers to them,  for he had compassion on his people and his dwelling place. But they mocked the messengers of God, despised his warnings, and scoffed at his prophets, until the anger of the LORD against his people was so inflamed  that there was no remedy.

Ephesians 2: 4-10

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so no one may boast. For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.

Not eating is a struggle for me. I ate breakfast and a late brunch and by 2pm I was already finding it difficult to not eat. I ate dinner at 5:30 and even had a late dinner at 9:30 (everyone eats four square meals a day, right?) which is when Ryan finally ate his dinner. Even so I felt hungry.

And today I risked just thinking about myself and that I was hungry. Fortunately I remembered more about the larger picture than my miniscule existence. If I think I am hungry after just three hours of not eating what do people who are actually hungry feel like? And why I don’t do more to “feed the hungry”?

I have a blessed life of food when I need it. I have the luxury of going “hungry” by choice and can immediately end my physical hunger whenever I choose. Even during the night I looked forward to the morning when I would break my fast, but again I am fortunate in that I have plenty to eat whenever I want it. (Being too lazy to make something on the other hand when “we have nothing to eat” is just laziness… and hyperbole.)

It was a coincidentally convenient time for a letter to arrive from the Light of Life Rescue Mission about providing meals this Easter season. The message from God today was very clear and an actual message: “Turn this [F] day into an [A] day - Donate!”

For $2.34 I can provide a meal for a hungry, homeless person. How simple! How cheap! How can I not?

This Easter I eat in spirit with my less fortunate brothers and sisters. But I am doing it virtually and I know if I was in person I would not put a price tag on the meal - whoever needed to eat would eat - there would be no table big enough and God would provide me with the fun challenge to just give what I had for Him. But here I am doing it online and I have to pick how many (or more accurately, how few) I will feed. I can justify to myself that feeding one is better than feeding none, but I know what I do cannot be enough to meet the need.

But fortunately God knows this and He is not asking me to solve this problem for everyone. He is asking me to simply “do”. And if I respond to God’s call then what I am doing is enough - no matter how big or how small. It is not the degree that matters but rather the fact that “I did”. Because I am not alone in doing. I have brothers and sisters around me who also “do for the Lord”. It may not be everyone’s call to respond in this way because God speaks to us in many ways and calls us each according to where He knows we need to go. But I know this is where He has called me today and so I will humbly follow. God is the Light of Life!

Day 27 Monday March 16 - [S] Give someone real or paper flowers

RO: One of the defining characteristics of human beings is glory. // What is interesting about God is that He takes this desire for glory and He shifts it a little bit and gives us an interesting example of what he sees as glory. // The most glorious thing that has ever happened in the history of humanity was the death and resurrection of Jesus. When Jesus was hanging on the cross that was glory. // Death is not something we need to fear or flee from. He has totally twisted it. Now death has become a source of glory. // It is only by putting on the mind of Christ, by following Him, by saying “Yes” to him, and actually dying to ourselves and becoming His disciple that we achieve glory. // Christ understands that if you die with Him you also rise with Him. // The most glorious people in the world are those in heaven. Let’s be glorious.  

Isaiah 65:17

Thus says the LORD: Lo, I am about to create new heavens and a new earth; The things of the past shall not be remembered or come to mind. Instead, there shall always be rejoicing and happiness in what I create;

John 4: 43-54

Jesus said to him, “Unless you people see signs and wonders, you will not believe.”

All day I thought over who to give flowers to. I planned on just making some flowers too, mainly because it would be cheaper. But in thinking on it I came to realize that real flowers were what was needed today. And once I came up with the person it was even more clear that real flowers would be the perfect gift. I did torment myself all day trying to think of someone. And no it wasn’t for the overabundance of people I wanted to give flowers to. (Which I found to be terribly sad! Shouldn’t I have lots of people I would love to give flowers to?) But of my short list of fluctuating uncertainty I couldn’t settle on any that just felt right. I spent most of my time trying to figure out just where I was called to give them today.

But once I realized the “who” I was invigorated and sprung to action. I got up, went to the store, bought flowers specifically for this person, and then called them to let them know I was coming over. The who was my Mom-in-law. She and my Dad-in-law are always doing amazing things for me, Ryan, and Nora and I think we do a pretty paltry job of showing them our thanks. We say “Thank you” and by all means we mean it, but I realized in getting these flowers that we do do a very, very poor job of expressing thanks in meaningful ways -- like in a bouquet of simple flowers.  

There is love in action not just in words (see Day 21). God shows me all the time how through actions just how much He loves me. I need to remember to express my gratitude towards others in the same way.

I called my Mom-in-law to say I would be over in 10 minutes. She said my Dad-in-law had just headed out he could swing by. I said I was out and that I could just swing by. Then she said he was heading to the Rite Aid. Which was amazingly awesome because I was at the dollar store (to buy a vase for the flowers and some Snickers for my Dad-in-law) and that store is attached/next door to the Rite Aid!

I finished up and went outside and saw his car in the parking lot. I stood outside the Rite Aid door and waited a few minutes until he came out. My Mom-in-law had called him to let him know I might see him, so he wasn’t surprised. But he was surprised by what I had in my hands. He asked me what it was for and I told him it was because they are so wonderful to us all the time. And then I also explained that the Lenten Calendar said to buy someone flowers today. I had to give the calendar credit because this was not a truthy altruism today; I did have to have a calendar prompt me to do the obvious. And my saying the “calendar said to” I could see this made better sense to him.

But this Lent is “working” because I already have committed to myself that I will be doing this of my own accord in the coming months. I came to this decision during those moments of reflection while waiting in line to buy the flowers. I had this “aha!” moment of “You know you can just do this whenever you feel like it, right? This doesn’t have to be a planned activity. You should do stuff like this more.”

God is patient with me. He knows me. He knows I need this gentle nudging to follow Him more fully. He knows right now I am at a place where I need a calendar to help me better serve Him. But He also wants me to stand on my own and not only choose Him every day, in all things - the big and the small. But to choose Him and then share Him.

My hope for this Lent is that I grow better in remembering those simple acts of showing someone you love them. God gives us so many beautiful ways to bring His love into the world. We need to do our part in remembering that it isn’t always about “go big or go home” - some days we are called to do those big things (and we can pray that on those days we are bold enough to embrace God’s call with a loving “Yes”) and some days we are simply called to give someone flowers.

Part 2: It was comforting to hear this message in a homily: God knows that we are sinners. We will try and inevitably at times we will fail. Because we fail it doesn’t mean we should stop trying. God wants us always to continue to try. >> How applicable to my life! I fail at various times and in various ways, but I shouldn’t give up on myself and always continue to try because God doesn’t give up on me.

Day 28 Tuesday March 17 - [P] Service

RO: Christ came to die for our sins that we can be brought to new life. And if we want to do that we have to follow His footsteps. // Things of this world can be good, but there is something greater. // Christ can be your everything. We need to journey with Him. // Pray this prayer: God, stir my affections for you. Let me desire you above everything else of this world. Let me pursue you to death to new life.

Ezekiel 47: 1-9, 12

He said to me, “...Wherever the river flows, every sort of living creature that can multiply shall live, and there shall be abundant fish, for wherever this water comes the sea shall be made fresh. Along both banks of the river, fruit trees of every kind shall grow; their leaves shall not fade, nor their fruit fail. Every month they shall bear fresh fruit, for they shall be watered by the flow from the sanctuary. Their fruit shall serve for food, and their leaves for medicine.”

John 5: 1-16

One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be well?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me.” Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your mat, and walk.” Immediately the man became well, took up his mat, and walked.

This Gospel message is beautiful, but also a challenge. The message is about things happening in God’s time, not in our own. I’m sure if it was up to the ill man he would have chosen Jesus to heal him perhaps thirty-eight years sooner. But no, he had to be patient and suffer every day, wait and hope, every day being discouraged because his illness and weakness prevented him from accessing the waters he thought would heal him. And then at the proper time Jesus came and the answer did not reside in the waters of Bethesda, but within the healing waters of God’s love. Here is a man who for thirty-eight years wondered where God was for him in his life. And then God revealed himself to him and cured him.

What patience! I don’t even like waiting one week. I can’t imagine how hard every day must have been longing for being saved but never receiving the answer for years. But that’s just it: There was an answer and the answer was beautiful. We may have weaknesses, but if we continue to hope in the Lord we will receive the glory of God. We may long for it in this life, but at a minimum, if we are faithful, we will receive it in the next.

In moments of doubt and darkness and wondering where God is in the world we need to remember to cling to this -- God is there with us. We may not be able to see it. We may not understand. We may hope for Him to intervene. But we need to be patient and trust and hope in the Lord.

And what was the greater purpose and why this was the right time? Because this act by Jesus sets the Jewish leadership on their path of His persecution. And Jesus welcomes it! The Jewish leadership  wanted to persecute the man who performed the miracle, but the man did not know who cured him and what did Jesus do? Did he hide in the crowd to try to go unnoticed? No! Jesus sought the man out! He went to the man so that the man may know Him. The healed man should have gone and not sinned any more, as Jesus instructed, but being weak he instead then went and told the Jews exactly who had healed him. This is both disheartening and heartening. A man, literally just healed by Jesus and told to sin no more, immediately goes and sins (or at least I’d call turning Jesus over to his persecutors sinning; but perhaps I am incorrect in this judgment)! But the longer term result was the fact that Jesus died on the cross for us. Jesus did not shy away from staying on God’s path. He embraced it! He loved us so much that He put His Father above all else in this world, even His own life, and did God’s will.

Day 29 Wednesday March 18 - [F] Only water to drink today

RO: Are you following Jesus close enough to be seen with Him? To be somebody who is related to Him? To be a disciple? Or are you still keeping a distance from Him? Lent is about growing deeper in our faith and following Jesus more closely. And here is the greatest part: The Advocate, The Holy Spirit, helps us along our way. So pray that the Holy Spirit gives you an accurate description of who God is, fall in love with Him, become a fan, follow Him more closely this Lent.

Isaiah 49: 8-15

Thus says the LORD: In a time of favor I answer you, on the day of salvation I help you; // For the LORD comforts his people and shows mercy to his afflicted. But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.” Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you.

John 5: 17-30

I do not seek my own will but the will of the one who sent me

A homily message was this: Make peace with the fact that you are a human and because you are human you will make mistakes. It’s okay! Make peace with being a sinner. Forgive yourself. God knows that you are human and will make mistakes. God still loves you. (This is Fr. Joe again, by the way. Turns out I really love his homilies!)

How funny. As I got ready for bed on Day 27, after having written my reflection on the day, and feeling a bit down about my failings, I could hear in my head the voice of my sister Bridgette telling me all the nice things that I do and to not beat myself up over these things; giving me encouragement like she so often does. And then a list of the recent things I’ve done went thru my head. It made me actually smile. I felt good. I thanked God for His kindness. He helped me to remember those times when I chose Him and He let me know that it made Him happy.

It was a nice message that God doesn’t want me to just focus on the times that I fail. He wants me to take joy in the fact I am following Him as best I can. He wants me to be conscious of when I err because He wants me to get better at choosing Him. Because if I don’t keep Him in mind I won’t see the times when I have not chosen Him and He wants to give me the opportunity to come back to Him in the next thing I do.

Lent 2015: Week 3 Reflections

Photo by Maureen Kennedy Macel

"A Good Life" presents a special Lenten guest blog post by Maureen Kennedy Macel (Part 3):

Day 16 Thursday March 5 - [P] Holy

RO: Lent isn’t about us. It is about an encounter with Christ. God gives us the tools of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving to heal our relationship with Him in prayer, to heal our relationship where we are broken within ourselves with fasting, and to heal our relationship with others with almsgiving. // Allow Christ to consume you and pray to be consumed by Him - His beauty, His kindness, His goodness, and His everlasting love.

Jeremiah 17: 5-10

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose hope is the LORD. // I, the LORD, alone probe the mind and test the heart.

Luke 16: 19-31

He said, ‘Oh no, father Abraham, but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ Then Abraham said, ‘If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead.’”

I was looking for the word or feeling of “Holy” all day. I thought the word “Holy”, “Holy”, “Holy” over and over again but that’s as far as I could get in in prayer.

Fortunately God gave me a way to really reflect on “Holy” via the Pittsburgh NOW (Night of Worship) event. In the evening I went with my sister Bridgette to this event and it was 2 hours of a close encounter with Christ in a community of others. It felt very fulfilling! There were speeches, songs, and adoration.

When Bishop Zubik brought the Eucharist in I felt the power of God. And I don’t mean that in a cheesy way like you might think of if you’re thinking this event was like on of those tele-evangelists shows. I mean it in a way that was pure love for God and my heart and mind feeling and knowing the importance of what was before me. In that moment there was no way to continue to stand before the Lord. I fell to my knees in prayer.

Throughout the night I had a variety of thoughts that felt deep and true, but what were they? It largely escapes me. But here a a few things that stand out:

1. “Brothers and sisters: We are ambassadors for Christ, as if God were appealing through us.” - 2 Corinthians.

2. “Probe the mind; test the heart” - In Bishop Zubik’s homily he spoke of this quote from the reading from Jeremiah - and how God probes our mind and tests our hearts. This statement is my existence -- I feel like so much of what I do is think “What should I do with my life?” and my heart feels many things, but then my brain stays in the way making it hard to know what God is really telling my heart. God is there in both my mind and my heart, ever nudging me towards Him and where He wants me to do with this life He has given me. My question should not always be “What should I do with my life?” but rather “What does God want me to do with my life?” If I was brave enough to truly listen I imagine it would be very clear. But I can I be brave? I am not sure that I can be brave enough, and so fear this question.  

3. In focusing on “Hope” I definitely noticed those times when “Hope” was said or a theme. But my thoughts were largely “Oh that could be what I write about!”. And it made me realize that when we narrow our focus so much we can miss so much. There were beautiful messages all around me. But did I hear them? Perhaps I heard the words, but I doubt I truly understood or felt their meaning.

4: When I walked in and found my sister she was talking to the mom of the guy who started The Pittsburgh Home and Holly Joy, the associate director of the youth and young adult ministry for the diocese. Why this was awesome: By chance one night within the last week I heard that on Essential Pittsburgh they would be talking about homeless youth. I called Bridgette to tell her because I knew she had a meeting the next day to talk about homeless youth. She listened to the program. The next morning she grabbed coffee with Holly Joy (separate from her homeless youth talk) where Holly Joy said she was feeling the need to help the homeless youth, but she couldn’t explain why and she mentioned she had heard of The Pittsburgh Home but didn’t know much else. Bridgette was able to tell her about the Essential Pittsburgh episode and that she was attending a talk that day. Holly Joy was then able to connect up with Jon Potter of The Pittsburgh Home.

          We don’t necessarily get to know the full picture of why God calls us to what He calls us. And when we respond to Him with “Yes” our small yeses can snowball to things beyond ourselves and our understanding (and rightly so!). What people may call “coincidence” God is there, seeing the fruition of the seeds He planted in many places.

5: Great scripture for GloryRunners: “Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us.” - Hebrews 12: 1

Day 17 Friday March 6 - [F] Do not listen to music in the car

RO: It is common to ask God for a sign. // Often times we are confused by the signs God gives us. We don’t think that they actually answer the questions we have. God always answers ultimately with the ultimate sign - the sign of Jonah - that He will die for us to prove His love for us and He will rise again in three days to enter into an eternal relationship with us. // The cross; the true sign.

Genesis 37: 3-4, 12-13A, 17B-28A

They sold Joseph to the Ishmaelites for twenty pieces of silver.

Matthew 21: 33-43, 45-46

But when the tenants saw the son, they said to one another, ‘This is the heir. Come, let us kill him and acquire his inheritance.’ They seized him, threw him out of the vineyard, and killed him.

I turned off the radio today and drove in silence. Funny how you can hear your own thoughts when you aren’t getting the words of others thrust into your conscience. And it’s not that your brain has to have great thoughts, but it was nice to just think and think free-flowingly. That was Drive #1 and #2.

Drive #3 and #4 were with Ryan. Funny how you can have great conversation when you take the time to not fill the air with random sounds but instead fill it with meaningful ones. We talked about a wide-variety of things and enjoyed each other’s company. And on the trip home I did get to listen to music - but not from the radio but from Ryan singing Hank Williams’ songs.

Slow down. Take time to Think. Take time to really Listen. Not only will you better hear those around you but perhaps you’ll hear God’s whispers.

Day 18 Saturday March 7 - [S] Take a treat or meal to someone

RO: If you and I hope to discover our mission and our identity on this earth - what God might be calling us to do - there is no getting around it - we also have to spent lots of time in prayer getting to know God, getting to a place of quiet where we can hear the voice of God speak. // “God, what can I do today?” “How can I grow closer to you today?” “Do you want me to speak to someone?” “Do you want me to be quiet?” “Do you want me to make a move or a change?”

Micah 7: 14-15, 18-20

Who is there like you, the God who removes guilt and pardons sin for the remnant of his inheritance;

Who does not persist in anger forever, but delights rather in clemency, And will again have compassion on us, treading underfoot our guilt?

Luke 15: 1-3, 11-32

I shall get up and go to my father and I shall say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. // His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you; I no longer deserve to be called your son.’ But his father ordered his servants, ‘Quickly, bring the finest robe and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Take the fattened calf and slaughter it. Then let us celebrate with a feast, because this son of mine was dead, and has come to life again; he was lost, and has been found. // ‘My son, you are here with me always; everything I have is yours. But now we must celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’

God made this one easy for me today - a no-brainer. My friend Darcy just had a baby. I made her a meal and a dessert and dropped it off on my way to church. As I was cooking her the meal I felt happy. And I did pause a moment to realize that if I was making the meal for my family I would have thought it a bit of a chore rather than time pleasantly spent doing something for someone else.

I am glad I had that thought. Because:

Who do I love more than my family (other than God)? No one. If that is true and I really mean it then making my family a meal should not feel like a chore. It should be an act of love. And I benefit from it too so really I shouldn’t complain - What’s that? I get to eat this great food once it’s all cooked? That sounds like a pretty good deal to me!

Often I find myself caught up in the day to day and the “To Do” list of what “has to” get done and I don’t think of it as anything other than a chore. But this is my life, and if so much of it is going to be me doing the stuff that has to get done I better change my perspective of it.

While I made the cookies Nora was there, ever trying to get dough out of the bowl and trying to reach the sugar bowl I was dipping the doughballs in. It was a balancing act of telling her no, keeping her hands out, giving in and letting her have some, and making sure Ryan had her when I opened the oven door. I am grateful that I did remember to laugh a few times at how persistent Nora was running from one side of the table to the other trying to get the sugar bowl and arriving just in time for me to move it to the other end. When she wants something she really isn’t stopped by anything. We had time together and I got to enjoy how cutely exhausting she can be. (She knows the word “No” but chooses to ignore it when she’d prefer the answer was “Yes”.)

This all reminds me: Day 11 I mentioned I have often forgotten (forgoften?) to pray before eating. I have an update! For about a day I still forgot. For a few days I remembered, but only after having already eaten. For a few days after that I usually remembered while eating. For a few days after that I had a lovely mix of pre, during, and post remembering and praying. And now I typically remember before I eat or after just a few bites. So perhaps it took a week to get back on the right track, but I am glad I seem to be getting there. (Day 19 Update: I forgot again til after eating… so really this continues to be a bit of an uphill battle!)

Day 19 Sunday March 8 - [P] Patience

RO: Only when God is seen does life truly begin. // Every morning when you wake up try saying this to God: God give me great faith today. // We want to ask for our faith. We want to exercise our faith. We want to learn our faith. And when we do we encounter the living God and that’s when our hearts are transformed.

Exodus 20: 1-17

For I, the LORD, your God, am a jealous God, inflicting punishment for their fathers’ wickedness

on the children of those who hate me, down to the third and fourth generation; but bestowing mercy down to the thousandth generation on the children of those who love me and keep my commandments.

1 Corinthians 1: 22-25

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength

John 2: 13-25

“Destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up.”

Today Ryan opened the computer and saw the Lenten Calendar so he said “What’s today’s? Patience.” Then basically he laughed evilly, got up, and came over to me. I was sitting on the floor assembling a wood project. He proceeded to repeatedly poke my shoulder with his bare foot while laughing. I sat there and let him do it for about 5 times before I said “Ha-ha. I get what you are doing.” He continued. After a bit more I then said, in a joking way though actually serious because his persistence was indeed starting to get to be annoying: “Dear God, please let me have Patience.” Then he stopped and walked away. I think he thinks he helped me?

Many times when I know I am struggling to have patience and need to have better patience I say to myself “Patience is a virtue… one that I don’t have.” Usually that helps me laugh (on the inside) then relax and actually try to have more patience. But that is usually a situational need for patience -- like in a long, slow line at the grocery store.

But there often is a greater spiritual need for Patience. And this is a constant struggle. I often want things in my time, not in God’s time. And while it helps to keep in mind that “all things happen in God’s time” it is hard to have the proper patience waiting for that proper time to come. It can be very disheartening. If we get caught up in thinking “woe is me” or take it to a defiant place and think “God, I do so much for you, can’t you just do this one thing for me?” we risk keeping our relationship with God in the proper perspective. Rather than focusing on our disappointment we should try to reflect on why now might not be the proper time and think about what it is that God is wanting us to see and learn from our “hardship” of having to wait.

This is at least what I like to think about when I struggle with having Patience. A lot of those “bigger ticket” things in life we can worry over, want, and not understand - when we turn to God we want Him to have the answer for us right then and there. We want Him to immediately show us He heard our prayer. We want Him to show us He is working for us. But we need to remember that it is not He who works for us but we for Him.

Our problem with being patient is that it is a challenge to us to wait. Waiting can be hard, especially when it is something we really, really want. When we struggle in this way we need to remember to “Turn it over to God”. We need to acknowledge that we may not ever understand why we need to be patient, but trust that what His will will be done - all in due course.

I am sure you have many things on your mind and held in your heart that you need to have Patience with. God is a great listener; continue to share with Him and ask Him to grant you the Patience you need.

And if life shows us anything every day it is this: Having Patience is hard. From the little things to the big things - some amount of patience is going to be required. It is how we respond to that need to have patience that matters. Do not just sit and wait! Be actively patient! :: Do we turn it over to God and continue reach out to Him in prayer? And do we remember to listen to what He might be telling us in response?

Update: Nora decided to put on her to-do list “Test Mom’s patience” and commenced it at 4:15am (technically on March 9 so I should have been all warmed up by a whole 24-hour consciousness of “patience”). I completely forgot how to have patience and just went back to bed. But Ryan got up with her. Eventually she decided to fall asleep again at 6:00am and Ryan laid her beside me in bed. It was the sweetest cuddle - with her reaching out her hand every so often to touch my face to make sure I was still there. I felt like I got rewarded for not being patient, so that must have been God gently reminding me to make sure my actions match my words. I can talk all I want about having patience, but if I don’t even try to practice having it at times of need then what good is that?

Day 20 Monday March 9 - [F] No desserts or treats today

RO: St. John Vianney said. “Our sin is like a grain of sand along God’s mountain of mercy.” // Jesus takes our sins and throws them “as far as the East is from the West” (Psalm 103) - that’s infinity. He has forgiven our sins on the cross, and all of our sins, not just few of them but every single one of them. // When He died on that cross He had all those sins on the cross with Him. That’s His love for us. // Will you receive the love that God wants or will you focus on the sin?

2 Kings 5: 1-15AB

The prophet sent him the message: “Go and wash seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will heal, and you will be clean.” But Naaman went away angry, saying, “I thought that he would surely come out and stand there to invoke the LORD his God, and would move his hand over the spot, and thus cure the leprosy. // But his servants came up and reasoned with him. “My father,” they said, “if the prophet had told you to do something extraordinary, would you not have done it? All the more now, since he said to you, ‘Wash and be clean,’ should you do as he said.” So Naaman went down and plunged into the Jordan seven times at the word of the man of God. His flesh became again like the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.

Luke 4: 24-30

Jesus said to the people in the synagogue at Nazareth: “Amen, I say to you, no prophet is accepted in his own native place. // When the people in the synagogue heard this,they were all filled with fury. They rose up, drove him out of the town, and led him to the brow of the hill on which their town had been built, to hurl him down headlong. But he passed through the midst of them and went away.

It is hard to deny my sweettooth. I mean, it’s basically impossible. Even when I am being “good” about not eating junkfood something with chocolate on it seems to find a way into my mouth. But today I was really gung-ho about showing God I could do it for Him.

And outside of a strawberry and milk smoothie (which Nora ordered by pointing at the blender until I stopped explaining we wouldn’t have one today and just said “okay”) I denied myself all treats.  

I didn’t really have any great reflections about it other than it made me feel good inside to do this simple thing today. Every time I thought about having a treat (which was often) I remembered why I wasn’t going to have one and that was that - no big torment, no thoughts of “this is so hard so why do it?”. I just did it. And by doing I felt good.

Day 21 Tuesday March 10 - [S] Say something nice about each person in your family

RO: Why would God send His only Son into the world to die for you and I? He came into the world to die. His destination was the cross and it was love that nailed Him to the cross - love for us. What are we willing to give of ourselves to go out to share that truth with others so that it would not have been in vain. // Will you go and share the truth that He sent His son into the world to die for you and I?

Daniel 3: 25. 34-43

But with contrite heart and humble spirit let us be received; // for those who trust in you cannot be put to shame. And now we follow you with our whole heart, we fear you and we pray to you. Do not let us be put to shame, but deal with us in your kindness and great mercy. Deliver us by your wonders, and bring glory to your name, O Lord.”

Matthew 18: 21-35

Peter approached Jesus and asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.

I thought about saying something nice about my parents, in-laws, and siblings today. But I took the easy way out and just told Ryan and Nora. And even then I forgot to tell Nora until after she was asleep, so I made up for it on March 11.

I love my family so very much. They are wonderful people. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

So why is it so hard to actually speak the words?

I can think all day about what I love about them, how they are so great. But when it comes to actually looking them in the face and saying those things to them why do I stop? I even saw my dad today, but could I bring myself to saying something heartfelt other than “I love you”? No.

Expressing love and showing kindness with words shouldn’t be so hard to do. Your actions can show people how you feel about them. But a kind word spoken  should be such a simple thing to do. We talk all the time, so why can’t we say words that have deep meaning? ...Or perhaps this is not something that affects you and is just a struggle that I have....

So here are my thoughts about this and God:

God loves us so much. Not only does he show us this all the time with His actions and those He inspires in others, but He has also given us the words of scripture so that we can come to know exactly what he is telling us. It is through both action and word that we can come to fully understand the message. One without the other risks leaving an incomplete understanding.

Jesus said to us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. And He doesn’t just speak those words for us to hear and think about. What does He do? He goes out and shows us, in the most beautiful of ways, just how to show your neighbor you love them. Jesus shows us how to live out these words by dying on the cross for us.

Day 22 Wednesday March 11 - [P] Desert

RO: What is Hell? The state of being eternally separated from God. // When He made us he put within our hearts the desire for the eternal and the ability to receive God forever. But what if with my own will I say I don’t want to love, I don’t want to be loved, I want to be left alone. // Don’t just think about Hell. Go out into the world, go into the hells that are in our community - in our homes, in our families, in our workplaces. And bring Heaven to Hell. Bring the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the announcement that He is risen and that we are saved. Bring that into the dark places. Be a light to the nations like Jesus Christ has called us to be. When we see the reality of hell we can also see the triumph of the cross. Because hell might be what you and I deserve but we have been given so great a savior that we might not perish but we might have eternal life.

Deuteronomy 4: 1, 5-9

However, take care and be earnestly on your guard not to forget the things which your own eyes have seen, nor let them slip from your memory as long as you live, but teach them to your children and to your children’s children.

Matthew 5: 17-19

Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do so will be called least in the Kingdom of heaven. But whoever obeys and teaches these commandments will be called greatest in the Kingdom of heaven.”

“Desert” not “Dessert” -which is how I kept reading it every time I saw this one on the calendar.

Fr. Joe Freedy (from Day 19 RO video) presided over mass at St. Mary of Mercy Parish today. And his homily was the most beautiful homily. I wanted to record it so I could play it over and over and really hear the message. But instead what I am left with is my holey memory. (I try, I swear I try, but it can be so hard to remember things!)

He said “Do not be a desert!” (and I had been paying attention but it made me pay extra attention since he said the day’s magic word). He said that during Lent we tend to be in the desert, but what we need to do is get outside our comfort zone. I am not sure what he meant exactly because I have never thought of deserts as comfortable, but fortunately the rest of his message was clearer:

Our relationship with God shouldn’t just be rituals - go to mass, say Hail Marys, say Our Fathers -- those things are great, but we need to get outside of that comfort zone and have a dynamic relationship with God. We need to say spontaneous prayers. We need to really open up our hearts to the Lord. Invite Him into our hearts and have a true conversation with Him.

His homily was passionate and engaging, and made people laugh. And not just the typical muffled chuckles from a few, but real laughs by everyone. He had the whole church’s ears open and hearts open to God’s word.  

When I reflect on “Desert” I tend to think of it as “being alone in prayer”. And this is both a good thing and a bad thing.

How it is good: Put yourself in a desert with God. Where all there is is you and God. It’s pretty peaceful isn’t it? It doesn’t matter that nothing else is there because God provides all things. How relaxing to just take some time to be fully with God.

How it is bad: If we only focus on being alone in prayer we miss God’s call to bring Him into the world and share Him with others. We need to engage in our communities and spread His message. This can require getting outside of our comfort zones of thinking of our relationship with God as “Me & God”. We need to remember to have a relationship of “We & God”. What can I be doing with others? How can I serve the Lord alongside those around me? Not just my person outward to others, but my person with others going outwards to others. Church is a community. (There is no “I” in “Church” only “U”?... wait… It would really help if it was called “Chwech”.)

And at risk of getting so high level with reflections here was my experience today: I had just gotten back to my new work desk (I just moved to a new space today) and I heard the church bells ringing for 12pm mass (which I couldn’t hear from my old seat). It wasn’t hard to hear the voice telling me to go. So I went. The homily spoke directly to my heart, in both its message and how it showed me God hears prayers and responds. Because in mass recently I have been getting distracted during the homilies and think “Why are they so impassionate? All I want is someone to get up there and speak with some emotion.”  And then God gave me today.

On top of that I was doing a double-triple-take looking at the priest and asking “Isn’t that the guy from the RedeemedOnline video?” At one point of his story he said “People say to me Father Joe…” and so then I was pretty sure it definitely was. And of course I thought that was cool.

Then on the way out I saw a grade school teacher of mine Mr. Hoffman and I went and talked to him. Obviously because it was someone I knew and I feel like I never see anyone I know. And also because my boss today challenged me to speak to someone today and bring God to someone. I mean, he clearly already was hanging out with God, so really I think this mainly helped bring God to myself. I was seeking some reinvigoration from God today and he gave it tenfold.

My conversation with my old teacher was go warm-feeling - he asked about my family, I got to tell him I have a daughter, he asked about my parents and my sister, and I got to ask him about his family. Not only was he my grade school teacher but I babysat his kids for years - even after I graduated college - and we often saw each other at mass until a few years ago (when I stopped going to the 9:30am St. Bernard mass because it moved to 9am and because I had a “I will not sit still and I will not not cry” baby.)

Then I stepped outside and Fr. Joe was there and Mr. Hoffman went to talk to him. I mulled around for half a minute waiting to say hello but then interrupted/was welcomed over and introduced by Mr. Hoffman. He said “She used to babysit my kids and now she has kids of her own.” It just made me feel so --loved? I am not sure of the word/feeling exactly but it’s one of the ones that fills your heart. I got to tell Fr. Joe that his words were exactly what I needed to hear today. (And I confirmed with him he did indeed do the RO video (which I told him I also really enjoyed)).

After that I left and headed back to work, but I was starting to cry/have tears and so instead I went on a walk to thank God for this experience today. I mean, perhaps this doesn’t seem tear-worthy. But that is what happened and that is how I responded. Perhaps it was due to the fact I actually communicated thoughts to others via spoken words (see Day 21 why this matters) that made me emotional. Or perhaps it was just being overwhelmed by the beauty of how God works.

God, you are amazing. You always find ways to show me that you are here and listening. Thank you.